Movies: 300

300 brawny soldier and 300 dishy cliches. I won't list all 300, because that would take too long.

1. good v. evil (duh)
2. Euro v. pan-Asian
3. freedom v. tyranny
4. strong=wise=good
5. gay men can't be trusted
6. piercings are evil
7. money is evil
8. sex and sexual desire is good (in the moral sense) if you're married and in love (king and queen) and depraved if it's decadent lust (Persian camp; oracle). Nipples are neutral.
9. physical defects belie character defects
10. infidels die like swine, and heroes die nobly
11. men who wear make up are depraved
12. brains are better than brawn, but heroes are brainier and brawnier
13. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
14. the prettiest youngest soldier always dies first
15. hero (king) always last to die
16. Persian girls are hot
17. Darwin was right
18. religion is corrupted by the money-grubbing, power-hungry, lusty freaks who administrate it
19. metal is the soundtrack of my rage as I chop your head off with my sword
20. wolves want to eat people, particularly adolescents (do they really? where did this notion come from?)
21. traitors are always revealed and punished
22. a rhinoceros can be ridden into battle (has anyone actually ever rode a rhinoceros?)
23. politicians are liars at worst and do-nothings at best
24. fighting is healthy for a young boy
25. pride is okay if you're the good guy, but it's evil if you're the bad guy
26. women give their men their jewelery for good luck before a battle
27. decadence and hedonism are bad
28. airy ululating woman is the soundtrack of my death
29. history remembers heroes
30. when in doubt, borrow from Lord of the Rings

I have nothing against these cliches' appearance in 300. After all, it's a movie based on a comic book based on an ancient tale of battle. In fact, I expected them. In fact, I expected more. I thought that this movie would be really over-the-top, particularly aesthetically. I expected more than just flying drops of blood. I expected more artistry and more Greco-pulp (e.g. Sin City in Ancient Greece). There were a few bits like that (the oracle writhing around, cloaked in smoke wisps; Xerxes costuming for sure), but I wanted 200% pulp every goddamn minute. My most serious artistic complaint regards the structure of the shots; in any non-Will Ferrell or Drew Barrymore movie (you must know what I mean by that) I expect more careful storyboarding, but this movie is frickin' based on a graphic novel, which is all about story boarding. So why weren't the shots more carefully composed? The real work of art was the ad for the Air Jordan XX2 basketball shoe set to Mozart's Lacrimosa. That was storyboarding; that was artistry. (Youtube version of course lacks the impact of the big screen, but it's still a must-see: Lacrimosa XX2)